Intentions...

Beginning anew.

With 5787 well underway with Yom Kippur concluding last week, I thought it would be helpful to share our intentions, whether or not you celebrated the High Holidays. I've never been one for resolutions since they mostly fall by the wayside by Hanukkah. I’d rather focus on positive aspects of our lives than feeling there's a problem to solve. For me, this is a more approachable way to attain new milestones big or small.

As we all know, having a meningioma calls for many adjustments and fine-tuning in our daily lives. Having been on this journey for nearly 27 years, I'm still learning, gleaning and tweaking.

One of my intentions, which is very much a part of my life, is to carve out even more time with myself. I relish experiencing time off the grid with nary a single bar of cell service and find it cathartic and tremendously healing. Seeking a peaceful place to think, contemplate without distraction, and feel comforted by nature is the perfect reset before the long hours and hectic pace pick up again.

When you're out there with no screens and no demands, you realize just how much background noise we carry around day-to-day. Nobody is pinging you for an update, nobody is asking how you're feeling, and the trees certainly don't care about your latest scan results. It is just pure, uninterrupted quiet, letting the dust settle before jumping back into the daily grind.

When we are delivered this diagnosis, we can't help but ask—how long is surgery? Treatment? Recovery? When am I off the anti-swelling drugs/painkillers/AED's..? How long before I'm me? Back to my former life?

And well-meaning loved ones ask the same—aren't you healed by now? How long ago was your meningioma removed? Why are you still tired/cranky/bitchy/rude/a jerk/emotional/________ fill in the blank.

There is a tremendous amount of focus on time and pressure to achieve an unrealistic deadline. As we know, we are on our own timelines. Carving out our own spaces without the pressure of being here/there/everywhere/...but what we see fit, is to me a more authentic way of living.

We spend so much energy trying to force ourselves back into old molds that simply don't fit anymore after brain surgery. Healing isn't a race back to who we were twenty-seven years ago or even twenty-seven days ago. It’s about giving ourselves grace for who we are right now, fatigue and all.

Intent away…